Let's talk dreams...

I had a dream the other morning that I was drinking my favorite Bucky's beverage, a tuxedo mocha, and that I had misplaced it. I purchased another and again, I misplaced it. That sounds pretty much like me in my waking life. In my dream, I ran into an aquaintance from a ministry I use to serve in and offered to buy her a mocha also since I had misplaced mine, yet again. I was walking through the parking lot to the door of Starbucks and a homeless man with a red backpack walked up to me and tried to take my money. I started running and he bagan chasing me while I desperately clutched my $6.00.

So, what does it all mean?

Faith...

It absolutely amazing to watch God work in some one's life but it is even more amazing when you can see him working in your very own. I am smack in the middle of watching God work in my life. He has asked me to trust him and I feel I have taken that leap of "faith" into His arms. As the "Serenity Prayer" says, "Trusting that You will make all things right...".

As I stated before, I have been in a state of disconnect in just about every part of my life. I have been off of work for 7 months, out of ministry for 4 months, ended an engagement I realized I was not ready for, and have drawn away from the church for no reason at all. Lots of big nothingness in my life. I kind of feel it has been God's way of forcing me to slow down and really reflect on what is important and teaching me to trust Him in all areas. I feel Him drawing me back into his arms and assuring me that I do not have to be in control of everything. He's got my back.

Life

So how many times have you wanted to know what your purpose is in this life. Is it your career, your family, your church, your service to your community. I know for many years I have pondered this. I don't know anyone who hasn't asked themselves this question. At 20yrs old, your lucky if you have set a goal to try an obtain. Most of us don't plan life we just let each day happen and deal with comes your way that way. As you get older and you begin to look back instead of forward you wonder what happened to that excitement, those dreams. Good friends have come and gone, family members have been lost. We are looking for what must be a very complicated, complex answer. And it's getting harder, the divisions are getting wider. Whether it is money, morals, entitlement we are not the same. Yet we continue to get up and move each day, some miserable, some happy feeling blessed for another day. So the answer...................everyone has their own theory. For me its being the best I can be, serve humanity so we may all have hope of why we are here.

I was sitting struggling to find something to write about when I hear Hanna Montana say, "Selfworth comes from within, not from others". Wow, a relevant and meaningful message from teen pop sensation, Hanna Montana! How funny that I was just thinking about this concept this afternoon when I text a long time friend, that I have not seen in years, that I am not the same person he knew years ago.

I think about how much my life has changed over the years and I think "change" is the wrong word. My life has "evolved" over the years. To evolve is to come forth gradually into being. Yes, I have come forth into being and it was a long, slow process. In years past there was no me. There was only everyone else. I was who and what everyone else wanted me to be. The problem was that I really could never be who and what everyone else wanted. A vicious cycle of failure.

Evolution is a slow, purposeful process and

Customer Service? Are you kidding me?

I consider myself a pretty mild-mannered, easy-going, good natured person, but on occasion something will rub me the wrong way and I just become ridiculously ungracious and ill-tempered. The very sad part is that it doesn't have to be anything serious or big; the smallest infraction of stupidity can sometimes send me over the edge of no return.

Due to the numerous years as a supervisor, handling customer service issues, combined with my codependent, people-pleasing nature, "Customer Service" is very important in my world and can make or break a business and/or a person. I strive to provide "Superior Customer Service" and it is what I expect in return. Unfortunately, the attitude of today's generation is that they are doing us a favor or that we are inconveniencing them when we ask for assistance. There is one young lady though, at a shoe store in Elk Grove, that has the most pleasant of attitudes for someone in customer service but is as dumb as a rock. Seriously, not a winning customer service combination. Yes, yes, I will admit, I am being critical and harsh and it is obviously something I need to work on but COME ON...

CPAP? What the crap?!

I have been recently diagnosed with sleep apnea on top of my numerous other ailments. At 44 I'm beginning to feel like I'm 94. Well that's not even true because if someone lives to be 94, they must be in some semblance of health, which I am most certainly not. Sucks... Anyway, back to the sleep apnea.

In my conversations with some friends, they have all told me, "Oh you'll just have to wear one of those breathing machines when you sleep. So-n-so had one and it's not that big of a deal" or "So-n-so had one and couldn't stand it so they won't wear it". The technicians and other people told me that it would help me to get a better night sleep and I would start to feel better because I was able to get that deep REM sleep without interruption. Riiiight. My wonderful friends and family basically laid it out for me: I would be ok with it or not. No one, not one person, prepared me for the trauma of really wearing one. Now mind you, I did wear one for about 3-4 hours during my sleep study but for some reason, that still did not prepare me for the reality of what they call "continuous positive airflow pressure", CPAP.