Faith...

It absolutely amazing to watch God work in some one's life but it is even more amazing when you can see him working in your very own. I am smack in the middle of watching God work in my life. He has asked me to trust him and I feel I have taken that leap of "faith" into His arms. As the "Serenity Prayer" says, "Trusting that You will make all things right...".

As I stated before, I have been in a state of disconnect in just about every part of my life. I have been off of work for 7 months, out of ministry for 4 months, ended an engagement I realized I was not ready for, and have drawn away from the church for no reason at all. Lots of big nothingness in my life. I kind of feel it has been God's way of forcing me to slow down and really reflect on what is important and teaching me to trust Him in all areas. I feel Him drawing me back into his arms and assuring me that I do not have to be in control of everything. He's got my back.


Seven month ago I was in such a state of stress and despair that my health was greatly affected. After all I had learned in 4 years of recovery (from codependency) and all the tools I know how to use, I had allowed one person to have control of me and my emotions, to the point of worthlessness once again. I believe the state I was in drove me, as it had in the past, to make unhealthy decisions for my life. God was, and is patient, and has guided me along the way to releasing control, allowing faith to build my character and to find my way back to a peaceful and joyful place in this life.

I came to this place a couple of months ago; struggling with my purpose and trying to control my destiny. When life becomes chaotic, trying to take control seems to be my first line of defense but the fallout seems to not work so well for me. I found myself, in a way, arguing with God about how my life should be. I finally gave in and accepted some things and have allowed God to fill me with his peace. He does that you know, when you allow him to.

Since then, I have been watching God work in my life and it just absolutely amazes me and it is so much more fulfilling and rewarding than I could have ever imagined. He has placed the desire back into my heart for the Celebrate Recovery ministry I served in for 4 and a half years. I have been welcomed into the new team with open arms and have the opportunity to serve along side some very mature and Godly Christians, who care deeply for those who are hurting.


I have been given the opportunity to grow a deeper and more meaningful relationship with my best friend and be part of her life again. Time I would have never been able to spend with her had I not been sick. I know God has blessed me with her friendship and that of her family's. I treasure our time together and thank Him daily for it.

I have come to a place of acceptance that my health is what it is and I will do what I need to do, to take care of myself. I do not wallow in self-pity nor do I let pain stop me from living. There is so much to do and enjoy in this life and I will do and enjoy as much as I can.

I have realized that He has provided for me every step of the way financially. I try not to stress over money (or the lack there of) and He has never failed to provide. My children and my granddaughter have filled my days with happiness and fun. I am surrounded to the point of drowning in blessings. Too many to count yet I count my them daily.

I accepted my singleness and I placed my heart in God's hands and asked that he bring me the man that he wants for me. Two months later he has brought someone back into my life that I would have never thought I would date but that is exactly what has happened. I have enjoyed "REAL" dates, the kind young girls dream about, but I never had. There has been deep, meaningful conversations that center around God and His will. There is a comfort level there that I have never experienced and I know it can only be from God.

So here I am now, looking at my life, and seeing God's hands all over it. I have peace and joy in my heart and am so excited to see where He is taking me. I am being given lessons in "FAITH" and I feel He is smiling on me as I learn and grow.