Ethel, Are You Listening?

Do you ever feel like you're hearing from God but you're just not sure if it's Him or just the crazy ramblings in your own head? How are you to know for sure? I need to know. I don't claim to "hear" God or tell anyone that "God told me" because I the reality is, I just don't know. I do know that it is in my head all the time. WHY? It is almost driving me crazy.

A few months ago, a thought popped into my mind about writing a book. Not just any book but the book Lucy and I have been joking about for several years now; the story of how God has worked in my life to rebuild and restore me. This is not so much a story about me and the wreckage of my life but it needs to be a story about God and His Amazing Grace and Unending Mercy and what He can do when you open your heart and mind to Him and trust Him.

I finally did start writing and made it through the draft of the first four chapters and then I stopped. I'm doubting myself, my abilities, and why I am doing it, although it is continually on my mind. Daily.

Last night I watched the movie, "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc". What a great movie but terribly sad. It made me feel this poor girl was tormented by the messages she received. However, she KNEW who they were from and what she needed to do and she did it.

I guess my faith is lacking in this area. Why would He ask me to write a book? What could I possibly have to say to anyone in that format? Why would anyone want to know the real story? How am I to write it without hurting someone else? What if my friends and family turn their backs on me? The questions go on and on. So do the thoughts: "You should write about this. Oh, this is a great scripture to reference. That song inspired me when I was going through "whatever". Oh, that would be a great title. I wonder if I can find a picture that inspires the title? Maybe I can take my own pictures and use them. Should I write it as a story or as a memoir?" The thoughts just do not stop. I almost feel tormented by it (but I would never compare it to the torment of Joan).

I have come to the conclusion that this little duck just needs to be like a "Nike" commercial and "Just Do It",  because whether it is from Him or just ramblings in my own mind, the outcome is in His hands and it will be whatever He wants it to be.