Are you kidding me?

So I'm signing into my Yahoo mail and saw the article titled,"Speculation swirls around Obama photos". Of course my mind immediately goes to infidelity. With words such as "speculation, swirls, and Obama photos", whats a mind to think. So, I click on the article. Are you ready for what our society considers as "news worthy"?

Talk about a Dizzy Duck...

So I have been away for awhile. Not that I went anywhere or did anything. I have just been far, far away in a land in my own head. It has been about 6 months or so since my last blog and life has just been crazy. Some good, some bad, some ups and some downs. Life's just that way, isn't it?

I lost my job in August as I was out on disability and the company could no longer hold my position. Although, I just found out yesterday that the team I supervised was outsourced to India and I probably would have been out of a job anyway. My state disability ran out in mid-October and to date I am still fighting for my SSI. I lost my medical insurance on the first of September and currently have none of my numerous medications or my diabetic testing supplies. Currently I have NO income and am just about as financially stressed out as I can be. It has been a rough 6 months and I see many more coming, but hey, let's focus on the positive.

I do have a new wonderful man in my life and he has been such a blessing. I have the love I have always desired and we are truly happy and comfortable together despite the financial hardships. He is so very supportive and encouraging and loving! There is a down side though...He is a duck hunter!!! How very ironic that Lucy and I begin a blog called Dizzy Ducks and we are both attached to duck hunters. Hmmm... We're keeping things on the down-low until duck season is over. Ha ha ha...

After months of discussion and researching, Lucy and I are going to start our own business. We are going to start a Virtual Assistant Service and are so excited to be on this new adventure. I was telling her today that I had a starting point and a list of things we needed to accomplish in order to get started but I have been doing more and more research every day and am just completely overwhelmed at this point. We have so much information to read and so many things to accomplish that my head is just spinning.

I wake up in the morning thinking about what needs to be done, I spend my entire day researching and then I toss and turn all night thinking about the overwhelming task at hand. I think I'm beginning to get nauseous... so, let's just tackle the simple task of coming up with a name. Yeah right. Not so simple. Then a tag line. Even harder.

My head hurts just thinking about it all. I'm almost frozen with anxiety. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be right back at it though. Success awaits this Dizzy Duck! Fear and anxiety will not stop me!

Afraid? Who me?

Do you ever stop to analyze your fears? Lucy and I have had many conversations over the past couple of weeks about fears...mostly mine. She seems to be afraid of nothing. Well, wait a minute, she has a fear of needles...Big Sissy! Anyway, during these discussions I realized that I use to be, pretty much, afraid of breathing! Every time a subject came up, I would say, "oh, I use to be afraid..." or "I'm afraid of...". Shoot! Was there anything in my life that I was not afraid of??? These conversations sparked not only much hysterical laughter and endless daunting from Lucy, but her family as well, as she couldn't keep her Lucy Duck bill shut! LOL... Just kidding Lucy!

Hope...

I have been reflecting a lot this week on one of my favorite promises from God, Jeremiah 29:11. "For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

A few years ago I was thrown into a period of hopelessness. A place of despair so deep that I could not see any reason to hope for anything. My dreams smashed beyond anything I could have ever imagine. I know that sometimes our dreams and hopes and expectations are broken or changed or even disappointing but mine were obliterated with such a violent force it felt physical in my heart. Does that make sense? It was a time on my knees, pleading with God just to let it all end.

Let's talk dreams...

I had a dream the other morning that I was drinking my favorite Bucky's beverage, a tuxedo mocha, and that I had misplaced it. I purchased another and again, I misplaced it. That sounds pretty much like me in my waking life. In my dream, I ran into an aquaintance from a ministry I use to serve in and offered to buy her a mocha also since I had misplaced mine, yet again. I was walking through the parking lot to the door of Starbucks and a homeless man with a red backpack walked up to me and tried to take my money. I started running and he bagan chasing me while I desperately clutched my $6.00.

So, what does it all mean?

Faith...

It absolutely amazing to watch God work in some one's life but it is even more amazing when you can see him working in your very own. I am smack in the middle of watching God work in my life. He has asked me to trust him and I feel I have taken that leap of "faith" into His arms. As the "Serenity Prayer" says, "Trusting that You will make all things right...".

As I stated before, I have been in a state of disconnect in just about every part of my life. I have been off of work for 7 months, out of ministry for 4 months, ended an engagement I realized I was not ready for, and have drawn away from the church for no reason at all. Lots of big nothingness in my life. I kind of feel it has been God's way of forcing me to slow down and really reflect on what is important and teaching me to trust Him in all areas. I feel Him drawing me back into his arms and assuring me that I do not have to be in control of everything. He's got my back.

Life

So how many times have you wanted to know what your purpose is in this life. Is it your career, your family, your church, your service to your community. I know for many years I have pondered this. I don't know anyone who hasn't asked themselves this question. At 20yrs old, your lucky if you have set a goal to try an obtain. Most of us don't plan life we just let each day happen and deal with comes your way that way. As you get older and you begin to look back instead of forward you wonder what happened to that excitement, those dreams. Good friends have come and gone, family members have been lost. We are looking for what must be a very complicated, complex answer. And it's getting harder, the divisions are getting wider. Whether it is money, morals, entitlement we are not the same. Yet we continue to get up and move each day, some miserable, some happy feeling blessed for another day. So the answer...................everyone has their own theory. For me its being the best I can be, serve humanity so we may all have hope of why we are here.