Wayward Purpose

My purpose in life seems to escape me these days. For the past three years, I have had and known my purpose. I knew in my heart that I was exactly where I was suppose to be, doing exactly what I was suppose to do. Now, within a matter of a few months, I seem to have lost my purpose.

Once again, I find myself in a season of loss and change. I have not worked in 7 months due to several medical issues that cause me constant pain. The ministry group that I was so devoted to, has disbanded. I have tried other groups in the ministry but I am just not able to walk in and serve. The church I attended has gone through a season of change as well and most people I was close with have left. I find myself not attending church often anywhere as I just dread starting over. I backed out of an engagement that I wasn't ready for. No church, no ministry, no work, no fiance. Just a bunch of pain that limits everything I do.

Do I have a wayward purpose? One that has turned away from what is right or proper and is disobedient? Maybe I have a prodigal purpose. A purpose that has been spent fully and lavishly on the ministry that I was so in love with and now is gone. My hope is that it return to me and once again I embrace it fully and celebrate with the fattened calf.

So I wait for the unknown purpose to be revealed to me. I wait prayerfully and in anxious anticipation for that purpose. I know from experience that His purpose for me is greater than any direction I could go on my own.

Dizzy begets…

It all began Friday afternoon when Lucy and I picked up my new “sexy-librarian” glasses. Of course I thought I was kinda “HOT” for a brief moment in time and sang all the way home, “I’m too sexy…”. The reality is that they’re progressive bifocals (my first), I’m in the poorest of health and so overweight that “Hot” kinda cooled off many, many moons ago. I’m a little on the tepid side now but hey, I had new “sexy-librarian” glasses. It’s all in the perspective, right?

So Lucy, her husband and I go to dinner at Red Robin and there is where the dizziness of my undoing begins. Under Lucy’s insistence, because I have new “sexy-librarian” glasses, we each drink, not one but two, Nuclear Ice Teas (Long Island Ice Tea on steroids I suppose). I’m just excited because I can read the menu without having to take my glasses off. I am told that progressive bifocals are a little difficult to get use to but I seemed to have no problem Friday night. Imagine that, new progressive bifocals and mind numbing alcoholic drinks and I think I’m fine.

Dizziness begins deep within. In the state of stupidity topped with a heaping of vanity.

A beautiful adventure...

I have spent the last two days recuperating from a day trip to the Napa Valley with Lucy. My body hurts so bad I can't think straight. Heck, you would think that I ran a marathon the way my body feels but all I did was drive! Ok, there was a short hike up a hill at the castle but, DANG it was only a very small hill! On the way down the hill, we even got a "thumbs-up" from someone driving by in his car. We must have been a sight. This is a picture from the top of the hill.

Tired Duck

For all of us, who have drained themselves physically, emotionally, or have been overwhelmed this is for you. As you can see by my pic I am a tired duck. Went to Napa with Lucy, ooopppsss I am Lucy I meant Ethel on Friday and had a blast. Our last stop of the day was to go see this beautiful castle where every young girl or old duck would love to be married in. Hopefully Ethel will post some pics, put she was pretty busy trying to make sure I stayed upright not alcohol, just M.S. and taking pictures of flowers that was absolutely driving me crazy. Why?! There is no bathroom at this castle, well they may have had some but the castle was closed and we needed to fine a bathroom quickly. We had some interesting conversations, like coming up with alias names from the freeway signs. Don't know when we will use that, but I stored mine in my phone because I knew if I didn't I would not remember. Then we tried saying our names with Don Diego as our last name. That was pretty funny you should try it you don't drag it out like ddddddddddoooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn ddddddddddiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeegggggggggggoooooooooooooooo. It has to be said quickly and with confidence. I bet you are doing it right now. Oh and as we are leaving for Napa and Ethel is driving I am the co-pilot. lol Right I can't find my way out of a paper bag. We stopped at the information center in Napa to get maps which we really didn't need because all the wineries were just off the highway. Now I have no sense of direction, I can't see, blind as a bat, with no glasses, and the dots that you follow on the map are not accurate, yep not at all. On more than one occasion I had to yell at Ethel that oooppps we just passed it. Well she was not happy and having to get back across the highway was enough to wish you had written your last will and testament. I'm yelling no cars on the right no cars on the right, well anytime you say something to Ethel a song starts to play in her head. Pants on the floor, pants on the floor seriously! We eventually made it across the highway without a scratch, truly amazing! Well Ethel has more medical conditions than anyone I know. She seems to add one each day like you would find a penny on the ground, seriously. She is the most perky, happy person I know The total opposite of Lucy
who rarely sees her, glass 1/2 full. Heck she has to use plastic glasses now because she keeps dropping the glass ones. Whose laughs because she cracks herself up more than anybody else.
So if your tired, rest. if you are in pain take your pain medication with a glass of wine, if you are overwhelmed stop listening to or reading news because they only tell us things are going to get worse. So consider yourself pretty lucky right now, I do, because Ethel has faced it all and still is, and she is still so darn perky and happy and won't let you feel any other way. But I am still going to buy the button we found that said die perky one die. jk

Selfish Woman

I grew up afraid of being alone. I believed in the "Boogy Man" and I believed he lived under my bed. I was one of those children who turned off the lights and took a flying leap onto the bed and under the covers. I considered myself lucky if my bed was close enough to the light switch that I could get onto the bed and turn off the lights once I had both my feet off the floor. I was afraid of the dark and afraid of everything that went bump in the night.

When I was 5 and we lived in Germany, I remember my parents having a mattress under their bed so that when the Boogy Man chased me out of my room, I could sleep on the mattress on their floor. I also remember being about 15 and home alone, on a stormy night, in a 2-story house. Noises echo when you're alone. It doesn't help when the dog keeps looking up the stairs and freaking me out. I turned the TV up and went and got a carving knife from the kitchen to keep me company until my parents returned.