My purpose in life seems to escape me these days. For the past three years, I have had and known my purpose. I knew in my heart that I was exactly where I was suppose to be, doing exactly what I was suppose to do. Now, within a matter of a few months, I seem to have lost my purpose.Once again, I find myself in a season of loss and change. I have not worked in 7 months due to several medical issues that cause me constant pain. The ministry group that I was so devoted to, has disbanded. I have tried other groups in the ministry but I am just not able to walk in and serve. The church I attended has gone through a season of change as well and most people I was close with have left. I find myself not attending church often anywhere as I just dread starting over. I backed out of an engagement that I wasn't ready for. No church, no ministry, no work, no fiance. Just a bunch of pain that limits everything I do.
Do I have a wayward purpose? One that has turned away from what is right or proper and is disobedient? Maybe I have a prodigal purpose. A purpose that has been spent fully and lavishly on the ministry that I was so in love with and now is gone. My hope is that it return to me and once again I embrace it fully and celebrate with the fattened calf.
So I wait for the unknown purpose to be revealed to me. I wait prayerfully and in anxious anticipation for that purpose. I know from experience that His purpose for me is greater than any direction I could go on my own.
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Wow...The symmetry and cadence of this piece is outstanding...stands with some of the best new writers I know, Terri. A good editor could help you with grammar and such. But... wow.
ReplyDeleteYou spoke directly about my pain and struggle, as I know this part of your recent history. Remember, I lived it, too. So I am touched by your narrative on a personal level that other readers wouldn't know. But the emotion comes through clearly and the reader will be touched. A rare talent for writers to cultivate in their craft.
I have passed your blog on to my agent, but her non-response tells me she probably won't even look at it. Nothing personal. She, as other editors, order their time and tasks and will only read submitted manuscripts sent by non-clients.
I suggest you just keep writing at this stage and possibly submit some essays to magazines. I hear that is a good way for a writer to get her foot in the door.
But, please teri...keep writing. Get on the internet and research non-fiction plublishing. And like you, I so miss our old CR family. We must keep praying for each others life direction...
In Christ,
Patrick