Dizzy begets…

It all began Friday afternoon when Lucy and I picked up my new “sexy-librarian” glasses. Of course I thought I was kinda “HOT” for a brief moment in time and sang all the way home, “I’m too sexy…”. The reality is that they’re progressive bifocals (my first), I’m in the poorest of health and so overweight that “Hot” kinda cooled off many, many moons ago. I’m a little on the tepid side now but hey, I had new “sexy-librarian” glasses. It’s all in the perspective, right?

So Lucy, her husband and I go to dinner at Red Robin and there is where the dizziness of my undoing begins. Under Lucy’s insistence, because I have new “sexy-librarian” glasses, we each drink, not one but two, Nuclear Ice Teas (Long Island Ice Tea on steroids I suppose). I’m just excited because I can read the menu without having to take my glasses off. I am told that progressive bifocals are a little difficult to get use to but I seemed to have no problem Friday night. Imagine that, new progressive bifocals and mind numbing alcoholic drinks and I think I’m fine.

Dizziness begins deep within. In the state of stupidity topped with a heaping of vanity.


Lucy suggests we should play Wii bowling and go get something else to drink. At that point “sexy- librarian” turned into moronic imbecile. “We should play Wii bowling and take tequila shots every time someone gets a strike.” What? Who said that? And what person in their right, mature, grown-up mind, would agree? Off to Bev-Mo to buy tequila and cigars. Yep, another dizzy road bump in my sanity that night. Did I even take into consideration the 5 medications I take that say, “Do not drink alcohol while taking this medication” or “Alcohol may intensify the effects of this medication”? Phhht… Why would I? I drink all the time. A couple margaritas here, a glass of wine there. No problem.


What a sight we must have been; three middle-aged adults polishing off a bottle of Patron and smoking cigars like we were at some college frat party.
OK, Lucy did not really smoke a cigar; she just puffed once and choked though we tried to explain not to inhale. And of course, later in the evening, I had to prove I could smoke a cigarette, which I am not proud to say, I can do just fine. I do have to say though, with each game, our scores got better! HA! So, for anyone worried at this point, no, I did not drive myself home. I had my 19 year-old daughter pick me up and I don’t ever think I will live that one down. Lucy's 19 year-old daughter also taunts me via text. Oh to have to face her again. Ha, ha ha...

As you may well have guessed, I did not sleep well and had the WORST hangover I have ever had in my entire life Saturday morning. I checked on Lucy and her husband and they were just fine. Hmmm… I drink with friends but I suffer alone. That sucks; misery loves company right? To make matters worse, I promised my dad that I would drive to Manteca and stay the night so I could go to my younger sister’s soccer games both Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning. I was supposed to be there at 10:00AM but did not arrive until 12:30. We left straight for the park and once again, I never gave any consideration to the fact that three of my medications say to “Avoid direct sunlight”.

So here I am at the soccer field, feeling like I’m dying, holding a bottle of water and a package of saltines and who do you think should walk up right behind me? Nope, nope, nope… That was the answer to your three guesses. The frickin ice cream man! That’s right. The evil little ice cream man with his little cart attached to his tricycle, ringing a string of jingle bells over and over and over… If I only had a gun. Parents screaming and cheering, sun beating down on me and little bells just jingling, jingling, jingling… Shoot me PLEASE!

Anyway, the weekend is over and I have been humbled once again by my stupidity. Lucy will have to tell you her wild adventures of this night if she ever manages to remember them. I on the other hand, have sworn off tequila shots, will no longer refer to my new glasses as “sexy-librarian” glasses, and will forever more heed the warning labels on prescription bottles. I’m just saying.