Going on strike is not an option...

I live with four males, two dogs and three cats. Yep, here it comes...the rantings of a loony duck at her wits end. Hmmm...where to start?

What is it about cleaning up the kitchen and washing the dishes that some men just don't get? Is it they're mother's fault? How long can we blame the mother? You would think after several (almost daily) passive-aggressive, mini tantrums on my part, they might get the hint...but NOOOOO... I just cannot wrap my mind around it. So, I have even come to the point of asking directly (at times, almost commanding) for them to clean up after themselves. Well, that just opens the door for even MORE frustration on my part. Our dishwasher does not work so dishes must be done by hand and I wash dishes two, and sometimes three, times a day, as well as clean up all the crumbs and food left on the counters, close the cupboards and bags of bread or chips left open and clean all the splatters all over the stove!

Restored Relationship

Today I attended a surprise birthday party for my dad's 70th birthday. It was wonderful and everyone had a great time. We worried my dad would not be happy because he just does not like things like that, though I think it's because he's never had one. I believed he enjoyed it and was even touched by it. However, I think the biggest and maybe even the best surprise he received was that I was standing right next to my aunt when he walked in.

My aunt and I had a falling out 8 years ago. Who's to say who was right or who was wrong. It just doesn't matter anymore. Time is too precious and family is something to cherish, not hold resentments towards. There will come a time when we look back on our lives and our hearts will be saddened for not taking the time to restore our broken relationships, especially when we had the opportunity to do so. Today was my day to do so. We faced each other and hugged and that is all it took. It was wonderful.

I am...

Let's be honest. Today, right at this moment, I am in an ugly, irritable palce. Why? I have no clue. I just am. Oh, wait. Didn't I just say, "Let's be honest"? Sorry to dump here, but here goes...

I am stressed beyond belief. I get paid from SSDI once a month and the money just does not cover even the basic of living expenses. Then, top it off with a heaping of the IRS who has now garnished my SSDI for back taxes owed by my ex-husband, who, sadly committed suicide in March. I have no fight left in me to deal with them, so, take the stinking money and let it be over.

My fiance is unemployed  once again, and we are further in debt than I care to discuss. Every day is a struggle financially and I am so tired of fighting it. Always robbing Peter to pay Paul. Unfortunately, Peter is now broke and Paul, well, sorry about your luck. I have started a small business to try to earn some income at home but who knows if it will be successful or even a little profitable. Trusting that God is opening doors, but I feel like they are rusted shut. I am drowning...

Steamed and Roasted Duck

Stick a fork in me, I'm done! I'm about to quack!

There was a time, in the not so distant past, that I was happy, joyous and free. Life was running pretty smoothly and serenity surrounded me as I glided on my little pond of life. Trials would come and I was able to hold my head high and paddle through with dignity. It was water off my little duck back. Ah, but that time has escaped me. Somewhere I lost my peace and serenity. I lost my patience and tolerance. I lost my joy.

A boulder rolled down the mountainside and crashed into my little pond creating a tsunami affect and the waves just keep coming. One right after the other, crashing over me, drowning me in anger, resentment and hatred. I cannot escape it for it hit my peaceful home. There is no more shelter.

Are you kidding me?

So I'm signing into my Yahoo mail and saw the article titled,"Speculation swirls around Obama photos". Of course my mind immediately goes to infidelity. With words such as "speculation, swirls, and Obama photos", whats a mind to think. So, I click on the article. Are you ready for what our society considers as "news worthy"?

Talk about a Dizzy Duck...

So I have been away for awhile. Not that I went anywhere or did anything. I have just been far, far away in a land in my own head. It has been about 6 months or so since my last blog and life has just been crazy. Some good, some bad, some ups and some downs. Life's just that way, isn't it?

I lost my job in August as I was out on disability and the company could no longer hold my position. Although, I just found out yesterday that the team I supervised was outsourced to India and I probably would have been out of a job anyway. My state disability ran out in mid-October and to date I am still fighting for my SSI. I lost my medical insurance on the first of September and currently have none of my numerous medications or my diabetic testing supplies. Currently I have NO income and am just about as financially stressed out as I can be. It has been a rough 6 months and I see many more coming, but hey, let's focus on the positive.

I do have a new wonderful man in my life and he has been such a blessing. I have the love I have always desired and we are truly happy and comfortable together despite the financial hardships. He is so very supportive and encouraging and loving! There is a down side though...He is a duck hunter!!! How very ironic that Lucy and I begin a blog called Dizzy Ducks and we are both attached to duck hunters. Hmmm... We're keeping things on the down-low until duck season is over. Ha ha ha...

After months of discussion and researching, Lucy and I are going to start our own business. We are going to start a Virtual Assistant Service and are so excited to be on this new adventure. I was telling her today that I had a starting point and a list of things we needed to accomplish in order to get started but I have been doing more and more research every day and am just completely overwhelmed at this point. We have so much information to read and so many things to accomplish that my head is just spinning.

I wake up in the morning thinking about what needs to be done, I spend my entire day researching and then I toss and turn all night thinking about the overwhelming task at hand. I think I'm beginning to get nauseous... so, let's just tackle the simple task of coming up with a name. Yeah right. Not so simple. Then a tag line. Even harder.

My head hurts just thinking about it all. I'm almost frozen with anxiety. Tomorrow is a new day and I will be right back at it though. Success awaits this Dizzy Duck! Fear and anxiety will not stop me!

Afraid? Who me?

Do you ever stop to analyze your fears? Lucy and I have had many conversations over the past couple of weeks about fears...mostly mine. She seems to be afraid of nothing. Well, wait a minute, she has a fear of needles...Big Sissy! Anyway, during these discussions I realized that I use to be, pretty much, afraid of breathing! Every time a subject came up, I would say, "oh, I use to be afraid..." or "I'm afraid of...". Shoot! Was there anything in my life that I was not afraid of??? These conversations sparked not only much hysterical laughter and endless daunting from Lucy, but her family as well, as she couldn't keep her Lucy Duck bill shut! LOL... Just kidding Lucy!