Selfish Woman

I grew up afraid of being alone. I believed in the "Boogy Man" and I believed he lived under my bed. I was one of those children who turned off the lights and took a flying leap onto the bed and under the covers. I considered myself lucky if my bed was close enough to the light switch that I could get onto the bed and turn off the lights once I had both my feet off the floor. I was afraid of the dark and afraid of everything that went bump in the night.

When I was 5 and we lived in Germany, I remember my parents having a mattress under their bed so that when the Boogy Man chased me out of my room, I could sleep on the mattress on their floor. I also remember being about 15 and home alone, on a stormy night, in a 2-story house. Noises echo when you're alone. It doesn't help when the dog keeps looking up the stairs and freaking me out. I turned the TV up and went and got a carving knife from the kitchen to keep me company until my parents returned.


Even as an young adult with 2 small children, I hated being alone. My (ex)husband was working at nights so I would put the kids to bed and again, run and jump into my bed once the lights were turned off. Yes, a 28-year-old woman afraid of the Boggy Man under her bed! I had to have all the doors open, including the bedroom closets, so that I could hear everything. Yep, I was a chicken!

Now, after 6 years of a turbulent life and teenagers and another failed marriage to an addict, I can't wait for everyone to GET OUT! My 19 year old daughter hates to leave me home alone at night and I tell her, "Go, please! I can't wait to be alone". It's probably a bad thing because after the last several years and all I have been through, I DARE the Boogy Man to come after me. I'm so ready to kick some Boogy Man butt!

I now want everyone out of my space and out of my house. I can't wait for my daughter to be able to move out. I cherish my alone time and as proven by my failed engagement, I'm not ready to give it up. I'm not saying I want to be alone forever, I just cherish my space and my independence. I am no longer afraid.